Placenta Ovaries

August Reviews, Part 2

8/7

Junior High School (Short, 1978, David Wechter & Michael Nankin, Digital Projection) - 9.0
From the genius directors of Midnight Madness, this is a musical about a day in the life of junior high school students starring actual junior high schoolers, including a 15 year old Paula Abdul, done in the style of a tv movie. It’s pretty heartwarming and realistic, and could practically pass for an actual tv movie if it weren’t also a comedy. Supposedly, it will be getting a DVD release someday soon, which will hopefully also include their educational spoofs Gravity and School, Girls, and You.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (Prewatch, 1989, Stephen Herek, 35mm, Castro) - 9.0
Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter need to pass their history test, because a peaceful future depends on it, so George Carlin shows up with a time machine to help them out. I hadn’t seen it since I was a kid, but it holds up well, and is still hilarious. It’s also a great time travel movie, and I really fucking loved the payoff with Keanu’s dad’s missing keys.

Top Secret! (1984, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker, Jerry Zucker, 35mm, Castro) - 2.0
Val Kilmer is an American rock star who goes to Germany and ends up involved with the French Resistance. I like Val Kilmer a lot, but not even he could make this shit work, although I did like some of his dancing. I also appreciated the backwards scene and the underwater fight scene, but for the most part, it’s full of the worst kind of slapstick and obvious sight gags, which is not my style of humor at all. I felt like I could predict every single joke or gag that was about to happen. Humor works so much better for me when it catches me by surprise. So with nothing to laugh at, I was left fucking bored, and I hated it.

Get Crazy (1983, Allan Arkush, 35mm, Castro) - 6.0
Allen Garfield has a club that is planning a big New Year’s Eve party, but Ed Begley Jr. wants the property and plans to blow the place up when Garfield refuses to sell it to him. The cast in this movie is pretty amazing, and there’s no opening credits, so it’s kind of exciting as more and more people just keep showing up. But despite the cast, the humor in the movie is fairly retarded, so at first, I didn’t really like it. Although honestly, I don’t think I would have minded nearly as much had I not just been so bombarded with dumb humor throughout Top Secret. The second half of the movie picks up, though, because there are a lot of music performances that were really awesome. There’s a girl group called Nada (led by the lead female singer for Kid Creole), who do a really good song, and then they do another song with Lee Ving, who is fucking great, and then Malcolm fucking McDowell plays a rock star who does three songs that are all totally amazing. The movie could’ve, and should’ve, been a lot better, but I still liked it alright.

8/10

Spirited Away (2001, Hayao Miyazaki, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.5
A young girl wanders into a fantasy bathhouse for gods and spirits, and they all hate humans, but she manages to get a job and win them over. All the different creatures are really amazing, and the animation is fucked up incredible. There’s also some scary shit, and even a fairly bloody sequence. It’s really great.

Kiki's Delivery Service (Prewatch, 1989, Hayao Miyazaki, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 8.0
A young witch takes off from home to find a new life for herself (as is tradition), and once she finds a new town, she sets up a flying delivery service. She meets some nice people, and a nice boy, and everybody laughs a lot, and occasionally shit gets dangerous. It’s really good. Super fucking cute and sweet.

8/13

Ponyo (2009, Hayao Miyazaki, 35mm, Balboa) - 7.5
A young boy finds a goldfish with a human face, who after drinking his blood, starts becoming human, and they love each other. Pretty cute story. Aside from some positions the kids end up in that might seem questionable if you’re dirty-minded enough (which I am NOT, Erin had to point them out to me), it’s exclusively geared toward kids. The animation was kind of interesting in that it’s got a classic style and literally could have been made in any decade, and there’s nothing in the story either to give it away as being modern.

Non Movie Review Post #3

I thought this survey would be good to break up all my review posts (which will return tomorrow).

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-Word-Answers seldom help anyone out.

1. First Name
Austin. I used to be really into using aliases, not in life, but for things I wrote, or movies I made. I don't even know anymore why this interested me so much. After some unbelievably embarrassing name choices in high school that I will not reveal here, I stuck with Placenta Ovaries. I've used this name often enough that it's too late to get away from it, and that's fine, because I still like the way those words sound together. But I have no interest in using it as my actual name, so instead I'm thinking of it as like a production company title or something. My website will remain placentaovaries.net, and for movies, I might use it like "Placenta Ovaries Presents... An Austin Wolf-Sothern Film." If someone calls me Placenta, I will still respond.

2. Age
27. I have no thoughts on being this age. I like it alright. I might want to be doing something bigger and better with my life by the time I'm 30, but we'll see.

3. Location
San Francisco, where it's constantly hot and sunny, and it's fucking disgusting. Hopefully, one day it'll be cold on a regular basis again, which is why I fucking moved here away from San Diego in the first place. I don't know what the big fucking deal is about sunny weather, I think it's gross. Aside from that, though, SF is a very nice place.

4. Occupation
Full-time manager/projectionist at the Balboa Theater, which is where I shot No Fatties, Christmas Movie, and STAR TREK: The Motion Picture Film (you had no idea those were all shot in the same place, right? and weren't actually a Junior High School, a shopping mall, and a spaceship, respectively?). I've been at the Balboa since July 2006. I like being a manager a lot, even if it gets pretty stressful and frustrating sometimes, and I think I'm really good at it. I'm still just ok with customers. I'd like to excel at it, but I don't think I ever will, because when it comes down to it, interacting with customers just isn't something I like all that much. I'm great with the staff, though, and they totally adore me (again, just refer to my movies to see how thrilled they look to be doing what I tell them to). But my favorite part of the job is projecting and doing film work.
I also work part-time (1-2 days a week) at the Red Vic doing projection exclusively. I've been there since last December. It's pretty incredible at this point to be working at a movie theater, and not have to feel responsible for everything going on. All I have to do is start the movie, and prep whatever movie is coming next (it's a rep house, so there are constant changeovers). The projectionist is also responsible for changing the marquee, updating posters, and doing the dishes (which doesn't even require actually scrubbing them, I just put them in a dishwasher), which is all pretty easy and straightforward. They pay under the table, too, which is amazing and I hope is ok to type here publicly (don't tell the government, please). And it actually pays pretty well, and for awhile, I was making more per-shift than I was at the Balboa even though I do about 1/10 the amount of work, but then I got a raise at Balboa, so now I make the same. I wouldn't want to work at Red Vic full-time, though. It's a different kind of staff who (with exceptions) I don't feel as comfortable with even if I like them all, and the person working concessions is almost always someone different, so it's hard to get to know anyone. It can also be pretty fucking boring if there's there's no film work to do. So, really, it's only perfect as a source of supplementary income.

5. Partner
Erin K. Devitt. For 5.6 years and forever counting. She's the best. I suppose we'll get married someday, but it still weirds me out sometimes when people my age are married. It's a very adult concept that I'm not ready to embrace yet.

6. Kids
Doubt it. I could see myself wanting one way down the line, if I ever felt secure financially and responsibly. But Erin never wants any, and that's fine. It's definitely not a deal-breaker kind of thing.

7. Siblings
One sister, who is 15. We have different dads, but I've never thought of her as a half-sister or whatever. She's pretty great, and really funny. It's weird that she's in high school now and becoming a regular person and not a kid.

8. Pets
No. I just worry that I'm not responsible enough to care for it properly. But I'd like to have either a cat or a small, cute dog.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life.
1) 24. I just finished Season 5, and every season so far has been incredible. Jack Bauer is one of the most intense and all-around phenomenal characters ever written/acted, and I can't fucking get enough of him. I still haven't seen most tv shows that everyone else in the world has seen, and if Lost/Deadwood/The Wire turns out to be just as good, or nearly as good, as 24 is, then I will probably swear off movies forever, then promptly explode.
2) Acting. I never had any interest in acting previously, but this year, I've had a lot of fun with it, and it's something I want to explore more, and especially lately I've been thinking a lot of pursuing this in a more serious way.
3) Work. This is definitely not in the least bit exciting, but since I work 6 days a week, it tends to consume my life more than anything else. Nothing else is going on.

10. Parents
My mom is a public defender in San Diego. My dad is an unpublished writer, and a photographer. He's been trying to work on a website lately, and posting some of his photos, and they're awesome, so you should check out his stuff here. Both of my parents are fucking great, and very supportive of me.

11. Some of your closest friends are:
Jennifer Kelly, Doug Freedman. Jennifer is my oldest friend (I'm trying to resist typing the bad joke I always make where I say she's like 67). She lives in San Diego. Doug is a filmmaking collaborator I never expected to have. It's hard for me to write about other people, but they're great and I love them.

Xmas Album

It's no secret that I love Christmas music, and back in 2003, I tried to record my own Christmas album. I put seven songs together, but never finished it. This was actually probably the last music I ever recorded. My performance art/noise band Carlos and the Frontiersman came after this, but we never recorded anything (I've got some video footage, but we didn't have "songs" or anything). I was just listening to it, and even though I had initially wanted it to be full-length, it actually works fine as an EP, so I figured I'd put it up, even though I don't really like it. The album is called The Return of Xmas Anal, Or The Return of Christmas, Anal. It's very noisy and often repetitive. I really like the first track, Merry Christmas (which I included on I Love You Baby Jesus, Happy Birthday, Vol. 1), and Xmas Necrophilia is alright. The most embarrassing song is Master of the Xmas Tree, which is a bunch of overlapping tracks of me making the most obnoxious sounds I could with my voice. It's pretty irritating. The last song, and title track, is over 7 minutes of noise and Kris Kross samples, and it's boring. And then there are three versions of Jingle Bells that are ok. So if you're interested, here is the download link, but I honestly don't believe there is anyone who would actually enjoy it.

Tracklisting
1. Merry Christmas
2. Jingle Bells 1
3. Master of the Xmas Tree
4. Jingle Bells 2
5. Xmas Necrophilia
6. Jingle Bells 3
7. The Return of Xmas Anal

STAR TREK The Motion Picture Film Screening

Last night, the Red Vic screened STAR TREK: The Motion Picture Film before a sold-out midnight show of Tommy Wiseau's masterful The Room. I was excited because the audience who comes to The Room midnights are there to shout shit out at the screen and make fun of it, and there's a line in Star Trek: TMPF about the invention of rapebots in the (utopian) future, who rape anyone who talks during midnight movies. And I was also really excited just because it's always really fucking exciting to screen one of my movies to 100+ strangers (I think the Red Vic seats 140, I can't remember for sure). During the intro to the film, which included a pizza and "scotchka" (it pertains to the movie) eating/drinking contest, Sam Sharkey mentioned there would be a short preceding it, and I could tell people were like "Ugh, a fucking short. We're here to watch THE ROOM." and there were a couple shouts of "Just start the fucking Room already!" (it had gotten off to a really late start, which may have contributed to this). So that was a little scary, that they were already sick of my movie before it had even started. But once it came on, people seemed to like the Popcorn Dangerous logo, and quieted down, ready to watch. And then when supporting actress Sylvia Pines came onscreen, seemingly half the audience recognized her (a total coincidence) and started screaming her name and cheering, so I knew it'd be fine from there. Everybody laughed at the appropriate parts, and many seemed to be made uncomfortable by the rapebots joke, but a lot of people laughed, too, which was perfect. And they all cheered at the end. So it was pretty successful, I think. So successful, that for next month's Room midnight on December 26th, they're gonna show Christmas Movie. For Star Trek: TMPF, I had made a new version that incorporated images of Wiseau, and I have an idea for something similar to do with Christmas Movie. I kind of want to re-cut it a little, anyway.

I didn't get to watch The Room because since I was there, I was conned into doing some film work. I don't like watching it with the loud, rowdy audience, anyway (although apparently, someone shouted something about rapebots, so that's pretty awesome). But I watched a few scenes from the projection booth, and I was reminded of just how fucking good that movie is. You can literally start watching any random few minutes from the movie, and it's guaranteed to be funny and weird and just completely fucking enjoyable, and it made me want to rewatch it. It's the kind of movie I could easily watch over and over again, and the style is so surreal and so fucking unique that it won't ever grow old. I think it's definitely gonna be in the Top 5 of my Best of the Decade list.

Capturin' the Freedmans Episode 2

Here is the long-awaited second episode of Capturin' the Freedmans. This is the first one, in case you missed it, where I played a corpse. In this one, I play Homicide Detective Steven Cho. It's written, directed, and edited by Doug Freedman and myself.

August Reviews, Part 1

I can't really believe I'm still not caught up with this shit yet. It's my goal to be caught up by the end of the year. It's also my goal to make a couple non-review posts before that time, too.

8/1

Reservoir Dogs (Rewatch, 1992, Quentin Tarantino, 35mm, Castro) - 9.5
A group of mostly strangers rob a jewelry store, but things go wrong because they’ve been set up. The cast is fucking awesome (especially Buscemi), the story is well-told, and it’s violent and great, and I fucking love this movie. AND, there’s even a reference to Tony DeFranco & The DeFranco Family’s Heartbeat (It’s a Love Beat), which is one of my favorite songs.

8/4 & 11/9

Moon (2009, Duncan Jones, 35mm, Balboa/Red Vic) - 9.0
Sam Rockwell is working on the moon, harvesting some shit that provides energy for Earth, and his contract is almost up, and he ends up encountering another Sam Rockwell, and that’s as much as can be given away. It’s kind of a sad movie, and I liked the way it unfolded, and some of Rockwell’s interactions with himself and with his robot pal are really great.

8/5

The Ugly Truth (2009, Robert Luketic, 35mm, Presidio) - 3.0
Katherine Heigl is a TV producer, and her show hires a chauvinist who gives love advice, played by Gerard Butler, who is puffy-faced and ugly, and they hate each other, but then while he’s helping her land another guy, they both discover that they may just find love in the likeliest of places (MAJOR SPOILER: it’s with each other). This movie looked really awful, but I wanted to see it because I liked Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but it’s actually just as awful as it looked. Cheryl Hines is pretty funny, and Heigl does have some good moments where she acts all spazzy, but yeah, it’s fucking terrible.

8/6

Funny People (2009, Judd Apatow, 35mm, Marina) - 6.0
Adam Sandler is a comedy actor who also does stand-up sometimes, and he finds out he’s dying, and he ends up hiring Seth Rogen as his joke-writer/assistant, and then he finds out he’s not dying anymore, and he’s still in love with his ex. With the exception of some limited moments from Jonah Hill, the under-used Aubrey Plaza, and Eric Bana, the movie is almost never funny, and it was often hard to tell if it was even supposed to be. This was a little disappointing at first, but I didn’t mind for long because it’s obviously a drama with moments of comedy, instead of the other way around. Adam Sandler mostly just acts like an asshole, and there’s not much reason to give a shit about his character. And Seth Rogen is ok, but I never developed much of a connection to him, either. Somehow, though, the movie works. There’s something realistic about it, and it’s sort of an interesting insight into the lives of rich and famous celebrities, which I guess is what pulled me in. I also really liked Eric Bana’s role in the movie. He’s not only probably the funniest person in the movie, oddly (maybe sadly) enough, but his character was much different than I expected, and he steers his storyline in a direction I was very pleased with.

Julie & Julia (2009, Nora Ephron, 35mm, Balboa) - 7.5
Meryl Streep is Julia Child and she learns to cook in France and co-writes a cookbook, and Amy Adams is lowly cubicle worker Julie Powell, who starts a blog about cooking every recipe in Child’s book within a year. The only part of the movie I really cared to see was the Amy Adams part, and I definitely preferred her story, but the Julia Child stuff ended up being pretty good, too. I used to have something against Meryl Streep, but I'm over it. I think the only reason I didn’t like her was because I fucking hated her in the trailer for The Devil Wears Prada. I never saw the movie, just couldn’t stand her in the trailer. She’s not so bad, though. She’s alright in Sophie’s Choice and Mamma Mia!, and sort of bad in Doubt but that was the director’s fault, and I liked her in She-Devil. However, critics were saying that the Julia segment of this movie is the only thing worthwhile, and the Julie stuff just drags it down. But they’re fucking retarded, because sure, Streep gives a great performance, but Amy Adams may just be the best working actress out there right now, and any story with her is going to be much more intriguing than everything else. It’s possible this may stem from a slight crush I have on her, but I had the exact opposite response as the critics, to the point that toward the end of the movie, when Amy Adams is distraught to learn that Julia Child doesn’t approve of her blog, I thought “That cunt.” and when it went back to the JC story, I was like “I don’t give a shit about this fucking woman, she doesn’t love Amy!” Which I will admit is a bit of an overreaction. Seriously, though, Adams is fucking great.

8/8

Pink Flamingos (Rewatch, 1972, John Waters, 35mm, Bridge) - 11.0
Divine and her family are the filthiest people alive, but Connie and Raymond Marble feel that they are actually filthier, so they wage a filth war against Divine. I watched this movie so often in high school that I still find myself mouthing the words to every single line of dialogue. And yet, the deliveries are so fucking good that it still makes me laugh. The entire cast is amazing, all managing to give long and ridiculous diatribes in single takes (not to mention the various acts of filthiness they all go through), and Divine gives a truly intense tour-de-force performance. It also holds up amazingly well at being shocking and disgusting. It was far too influential on my life for me to ever be objective about it, but seriously, this is an incredible movie.

8/15

Poltergeist (Rewatch, 1982, Tobe Hooper, 35mm, Bridge) - 10.0
A family is living in a house, and it’s haunted by ghosts who communicate to the youngest daughter through the TV, and eventually kidnap her through the closet, then start throwing shit around a lot, and the parents (Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams, both brilliant) hire some ghost experts and Zelda Rubinstein to help get her back. This movie is not only perfectly told with well-rounded, likable characters, offbeat humor, convincing performances, and an awesomely random bit of gore, and it not only has a great score and incredible fucking editing, but on top of all of that, it’s one of very few movies that I actually find fucking terrifying. This movie is amazing and brilliant in every single way, and I love it more every time I see it. It’s perfect.

8/19 & 8/31

Inglourious Basterds (2009, Quentin Tarantino, 35mm, Castro/Kabuki) - 10.0
In Nazi-occupied France in the ‘40s, Brad Pitt leads a group of Nazi-killing Jewish soldiers, and meanwhile, a Jew-in-hiding (Melanie Laurent) who escaped the brutal attack of her family is selected to host a huge German premiere at her movie theater, and by the end, their stories and a couple other stories converge brilliantly. Everything about it worked flawlessly for me, and the actors (Pitt, Laurent, and Christoph Waltz, in particular) were fucking incredible. My favorite part of the movie was probably the segment with the Basterds killing the Nazis. In general, Jews aren’t exactly intimidating, and when we first see the group, they look short and scrawny. But they are fucking ruthless, and they slaughter without mercy, and it is incredible to watch. I could’ve watched them killing Nazis for an entire movie, but the other story was great enough, and Melanie Laurent was fucking badass enough, that I didn’t mind the other direction it took. I loved the shit out of every scene, and I think this might just be Tarantino’s best film, and very possibly the best film of the year.

8/20

Rambo (Rewatch, 2008, Sylvester Stallone, Blu-ray) - 9.5
Rambo is asked by some Christians to take them into war-torn Burma, and he doesn’t want to, but one of them is Julie Benz, and he has a quiet Rambo crush on her, so he agrees, but then they get captured, so he goes back with some mercenaries to rescue her, and the rest of them, and in the process, kills a ton of people in the bloodiest, most ridiculous ways possible. It’s insanely violent and fun and fucking awesome. Rambo even pulls a Swayze, and rips someone’s throat out. The tagline is “Heroes never die… They just reload.” Amazing.

Rewatches - Click for previous reviews
8/1 - Showgirls (Rewatch, 1995, Paul Verhoeven, 35mm, Bridge) - ∞
(Full review, deserving of it's own post, coming Monday)

8/3 - The Great Muppet Caper (1981, Jim Henson, 35mm, Red Vic) - 9.0
8/8 - School, Girls, and You! (Short, 1978, David Wechter, Youtube) - 9.0

July Reviews, Part 3

MOVIES
7/25

Hollow Man (Prewatch, 2000, Paul Verhoeven, Blu-ray) - 9.0
Kevin Bacon leads a team of scientists who have discovered how to make living beings invisible, and when he figures out how to also make them visible again, he decides to test it out on himself. Once invisible, he becomes somewhat mischievous, but after the re-visible process fails, he starts going crazy. This whole movie is pretty crazy. I felt satisfied with the exploration of what would happen to someone with this particular power, done in Verhoeven’s trademark over-the-top, highly sexualized style. And the special effects are mostly fucking awesome. I loved the creepy burn victim mask they made him. It’s no RoboCop or Total Recall (two of the best sci-fi movies ever made), but it’s still an effective and swayze sci-fi thriller.

7/26

(500) Days of Summer (2009, Marc Webb, 35mm, Kabuki) - 9.0
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel meet and start dating, and he falls in love, but she apparently doesn’t. I thought it was told in a really amazing way, and always felt realistic, and both of the actors were great and really fucking nice to look at (I’m not sure who was more in love with Zooey, Gordon-Levitt’s character, or the director and cameraman). Maybe one of the best and most effective movies I’ve seen about love and heartbreak.

7/27

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (2002, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.5
A deaf-mute needs money for his sister’s kidney transplant, so his girlfriend convinces him to kidnap his former boss’ daughter, and things go really wrong from there. Every character ends up either seeking, or being on the receiving end of vengeance, usually both, and this results in a whole lot of killing. I wasn’t really thinking about it while watching, but this kind of plays out as a modern, violent noir, which is one of my favorite genres.

Old Boy (Rewatch, 2003, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.5
A man is kidnapped and locked up for 15 years, without ever knowing why, and one day, he’s let out, and given only a few days to figure out what he had done wrong. Lots of violence and disturbing themes, some good dental torture, a live octopus being eaten, and just a lot of shots and scenes that are really amazing. I had seen it before, but liked it a lot more the second time around. It’s fucking great.

Lady Vengeance (Rewatch, 2005, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.0
A woman does a bunch of years in prison for kidnapping and killing a little kid, and when she gets out, she tries to make atonement for what she’s done by seeking revenge on the actual killer (spoiler?), and gathering together some parents of the other kids he’s killed so they can take vengeance as well. I wasn’t that interested in the themes of atonement and the whole angel thing, but at least it was still fucking bleak, and the lead actress was awesome.

7/30

Thirst (2009, Park Chan-wook, 35mm, Bridge) - 5.5
A priest volunteers to get some disease that makes him puke blood and blister up all over, and it eventually kills him, but then it doesn’t because he’s a vampire all of a sudden (I guess he got a blood transfusion, but I totally missed that part), and then he meets a girl and they have sex even though he’s a priest and feels bad about it, and they’re in love maybe, but I don’t know, it was confusing. So first off, 5.5 is totally not that terrible of a rating you guys, so stop freaking out. It means I almost kinda liked it. What it also means in this instance is that I was fucking exhausted when I watched this movie, and there is a definite possibility that this contributed to my thinking it was way too long and really boring. There was a whole bunch of shit that I really liked about it, I just felt that the awesome shit never seemed to last long enough. But I’d be willing to give it another try sometime when I’m more alert.

July Top 9
1. Johnny Mnemonic
2. Bruno
3. Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
4. Gang Boys
5. The Quick and the Dead
6. S Club 7: Artistic Differences
7. (500) Days of Summer
8. Double Blast
9. Moving Target

TV
7/26

Daisy of Love Season 1 (2009, Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego, VH1) - 9.0
Daisy from Rock of Love is given 20 guys, and tries to find her true love amongst them. The first couple episodes were fucking insane, and it was immediately a welcome relief after Rock of Love Bus and For the Love of Ray J, which were fucking shit. I felt really bad for Daisy because in the first half of the season, there were hardly any eliminations. Guys just kept leaving on their own. Eventually, it worked itself out, though, and I think more people cried when they lost than on any other VH1 Love show I’ve seen. Pretty much the whole season was compelling and funny and awesome. I really want Fox and It (from I Love New York/Money) to have a talk show.

July Reviews, Part 2

7/17
Cold War Triple Feature

WarGames (Rewatch, 1983, John Badham, 35mm, Castro) - 8.5
Matthew Broderick is a hacker who wants to play the newest, state-of-the-art computer game Global Thermonuclear War, so he hacks his way into what turns out to be a government computer, and makes it look like the Russians are actually attacking. Ally Sheedy is adorable, and so is Broderick. Great movie.

Red Dawn (1984, John Milius, 35mm, Castro) - 5.0
The Russians and the Cubans attack a small town, and a renegade group of high school kids, including Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, and Jennifer Grey fight back. I liked the premise, and I liked that it went all the way with it. The first time it shows the kids actually killing the Russians, I was fairly shocked. But for me, it was a bit too serious, and I found it really hard to get into. My favorite parts were watching Lea Thompson and Jennifer Grey being tough as fuck, and it just kinda made me wish that the movie were about a group of all girls fighting the Russians. It would’ve been a completely different movie, but most likely a more fun one, and most definitely a better one.

Invasion U.S.A. (1985, Joseph Zito, 35mm, Castro) - 7.0
Villainous character actor Richard Lynch is a Russian intent on invading the U.S., and Chuck Norris is the one-man-army who is not going to let that happen. I was pumped for this movie, and really needed something campy and violent to pick me up after Red Dawn, and as soon as I saw in the opening credits that it was produced by Golan/Globus, I knew I had nothing to worry about. Golan/Globus have often scared me with how tapped into my psyche they are. They’ll take a simple idea, like 80’s Stallone Action, or 80’s T&A Comedy, and deliver exactly the movie that I want to see out of that. (See: Cobra, or The Last American Virgin, for the best examples of this.) Invasion U.S.A. starts off strong. There’s an early sequence that takes place in an unbelievably gritty, sleazy hotel, where Richard Lynch slams a woman’s head into the metal coke straw she’s using, shoots a drug dealer in the dick (one of the most gratuitous acts of violence I’ve ever seen), and then throws the woman out a window. It is absolutely incredible.
But it kinda goes downhill from there. A lot of people get shot, and there are a ton of explosions, but that’s not always good enough for me. There’s not enough blood. I don’t expect to see gore in an action film (though I kinda did from this one, as it’s from the director of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and The Prowler), but I need to feel the violence a little more, or else I end up disconnected from it, and kinda bored. Norris has a couple of decent one-liners, but for the most part, he just says shit like “You’re about to get killed.” The last five minutes picks up again, at least, with a fantastic Western-style showdown with bazookas, and I can’t help loving anything that concludes on a freeze frame. Overall, it’s a good movie, just not the amazing one I had hoped for.

7/18

Heathers (Prewatch, 1988, Michael Lehmann, Projected Blu-ray, Bridge) - 8.0
Winona Ryder is friends with some popular high school bitches all named Heather, but she actually hates them, and then she meets Christian Slater, and they start killing people. There is some amazing dialogue, and in many ways, it is, or should be, a perfect dark comedy about high school. I had seen this before many years ago, and though I didn’t remember the actual movie very well, I did remember thinking it was really good, but somehow off, and not quite as good as it should’ve been. I felt the same way on this viewing, and I think it’s the score that fucks it up. It sounds like a brooding, emo version of early 90’s computer game music. It’s too in-your-face, too, like it’s constantly trying to remind you that the subject matter is dark, and it just ends up being distracting.
As a sidenote, I know that I complain about digital projection a lot, or at least, occasionally. But, for the most part, this only applies to IndieFest/Another Hole in the Head at the Roxie, because I’m reasonably certain that they find actual prints, record them off the screen with a VHS camcorder, dub them back and forth five times, upload it to youtube, then record that off the screen with the monitor’s brightness turned all the way down, and then they show us that, with the color settings incorrectly way off and a black filter over the lens (I’m not even kidding, I really do think they do this. And even if they don’t go that far, I know for a fact that they screen things digitally even when 35mm is available). But the projector at the Bridge (and the Red Vic as well), is much better quality. Heathers was shown digitally only as a last resort, because Peaches (this was shown during Midnight Mass) has wanted to show it for 12 years and no known print exists, and it was even on Blu-ray. The result may not be an equal substitute for film, but it was definitely satisfactory.

7/20

Dream to Believe (Rewatch, 1986, Paul Lynch, VHS) - 11.0
The second greatest movie ever made, and the most rewatchable. I may have seen Showgirls a lot more times, but these days I only watch it when it’s playing in the theater or if I’m showing it to someone. Dream to Believe is one of very few movies I actually crave rewatching on a semi-regular basis, even at home by myself (or in this case, with Erin), while I would normally be obsessing over all the movies I haven’t seen once. Here’s my full review, if you’ve never read it.

The Promotion (2008, Steve Conrad, DVD) - 7.5
Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly are assistant managers at a grocery store, and they’re both applying to be full managers at a brand new branch in a better area. They’re both good guys, but they each end up having to fight dirty in order to compete against one another. The story is simple, sweet, and relatable, and both actors are great.

7/23

PG Porn: Genital Hospital (Short, 2009, James Gunn, Internet) - 5.0
Love the title, but this one really doesn’t work. It was one of the first ones shot, and was originally going to be released as a package deal with the whole collection, like a bonus episode, and I can see why they wanted to go that route. I think if they had released it early on, I would’ve appreciated it a bit more, but since they’ve gone on to make much better, and much more elaborate episodes, seeing a “new” episode now that is so simplistic, ends up falling flat.

7/24

The Quick and the Dead (1995, Sam Raimi, Roku) - 9.0
Sharon Stone comes to a small Western town seeking vengeance against Gene Hackman, and the town is having a shoot-out tournament, where only the quickest comes out alive. Fucking awesome concept, with bits of Raimi’s innovative style, and an impressive cast. Great fucking movie.

Linda Blair Reviews, Part 3

7/5

Fatal Bond (1992, Vincent Monton, VHS) - 6.0
Linda Blair falls for a sleazy asshole, and decides to give him a bunch of money and go on a road trip with him after knowing him about a day. A girl he cheats on her with turns up dead, and he probably did it, and then LB finds another dead girl, and assumes it was him, but then at the end, it turns out he’s innocent, and I guess it’s a happy ending for them even though he’s still a dick. It was alright. Had it’s moments.

7/8

Double Blast (1994, Tim Spring, VHS) - 8.5
Joe Estevez is trying to find some treasure, so he kidnaps archaelogist Linda Blair to translate some shit for him, but he runs into trouble when a young kickboxing brother-sister duo get involved and repeatedly beat the shit out of his bumbling henchmen. I knew I was in for something special when the opening credits actually explained who one of the stars was, as seen here. It’s kind of a retarded movie, if you can believe it, but also a fucking great one.

7/9

The Heart of the Lie (1992, Jerry London, DVD) - 7.5
True crime drama about a woman who is convicted for killing her husband’s ex-wife, but may not be guilty. Pretty good story, and I thought the lead was really good. They did a kind of ok job of setting up some other possible suspects, and remaining somewhat objective over whether or not she did it. I much prefer the original title, Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? The Bambi Bembenek Story, but the DVD makes up for the change by listing Fullscreen as a Special Feature, which I always find hilarious.

7/10

Moving Target (1988, Marius Mattei, VHS) - 8.5
Someone on a motorcycle is trying to kill everyone to get a key that I guess unlocks riches, but we never actually find out, and so there’s this blond girl on the run who is topless throughout the entire movie for no reason whatsoever, and she hides out with a tennis star who might be her father, and they have a ton of sex, and there’s also a persistent news reporter, whose cameraman is working for the bad guys, and Ernest Borgnine is a detective trying to figure out what’s going on, and Linda Blair occasionally shows up, but doesn’t seem to actually serve any purpose. By the end of the movie, even the characters themselves don’t seem to have any idea whose side they’re on, and everyone just starts randomly shooting each other. And on top of all that, the soundtrack and score are fucking incredible. This was a tough one to track down, but definitely worth it.

Roller Boogie (Rewatch, 1979, Mark L. Lester, 35mm, Bridge) - 9.5
Linda Blair is a rich girl with inattentive parents who, despite being a musical prodigy, is more interested in rollerskating. She meets Jim Bray, a rollerskater with a shot at the Olympics, and hires him to help train her to win the Roller Boogie Contest. It all goes wrong, though, when some businessmen threaten to burn down the roller rink if the owner doesn’t sell them the property, and so the owner is forced to shut down, unless all the rollerskaters can band together and come up with a plan. This movie features an incredible performance from Jim Bray, and one of the best and most adorable from Linda Blair, as well as some funny turns from almost every secondary character. What’s most amazing about this movie, or well, there’s actually a fucking ton of things that make this movie amazing, but one of the most amazing things is how well it segues 70’s movies into 80’s movies. The tone of it, and certainly the fashion and the music, still make it feel like a 70’s movie, but the personalities, the brand of humor, the way in which the fashion and music are utilized, and even the entire plot would later be recycled in many classic and defining 80’s movies.

10/4

Repossessed (Rewatch, 1990, Bob Logan, DVD) - 2.0
Parody sequel to the Exorcist with Linda Blair all grown up with a family, and she gets possessed again, so Leslie Nielsen shows up to give her an exorcism, and Ned Beatty shows up to televise it. It’s not a bad idea, but the jokes are fucking excruciating. Linda Blair isn't especially gifted with comedy, anyway, but it's usually cute when she tries (like in Double Blast or S Club 7). But here she's fucking brutal (through no fault of her own, obviously, she's clearly a victim of terrible writing and direction), and Leslie Nielsen is equally awful. I had seen this before and didn’t like it, but it’s way worse than I remembered. Fucking terrible.

July Reviews, Part 1

MOVIES
7/4

Independence Day (Prewatch, 1996, Roland Emmerich, Roku) - 8.0
Aliens attack the Earth, so Bill Pullman, Will Smith, and Jeff Goldblum fix it. Fun movie with some awesome action sequences. I loved the design of the aliens.

7/13

The Hurt Locker (2009, Kathryn Bigelow, 35mm, Embarcadero) - 6.0
Jeremy Renner plays a wild bomb diffuser in Iraq who pisses off his partner (Anthony Mackie) a lot. The dynamic between Renner and Mackie (wild vs. restrained) is a bit reminiscent of another Kathryn Bigelow film, but neither actor here has anywhere near the charisma of Patrick Swayze or Keanu Reeves. They also don’t seem to be in love with each other, and they never even go skydiving. Obviously, it’s unfair to compare this film to an unmatched masterpiece such as Point Break, but honestly, I didn’t really feel any connection at all to these characters. The movie is well put together, and there are some fairly tense sequences, so I did still like it, but I had definitely hoped for more from Bigelow.

7/14

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009, David Yates, 35mm, Metreon) - 8.0
Voldemort is still wreaking havoc, but the kids continue on at Hogwarts, and mostly spend their time pining for each other. I like the HP storyline no matter what, so I was kept entertained throughout, but it did start to feel long after awhile, because it takes fucking forever to really get anywhere, and there’s not much action in it. I guess the book was like that, too, but for the movie, I needed to see more stuff happening, or at least get a better sense of constant dread and potential danger. There’s an attack on the Burrow somewhere in the middle, and it was an adequately done sequence, but I can’t say I felt any tension. Once Dumbledore and Harry finally set off on their mission, though, things picked up, and it was excellent for the remainder of the film, all the way through to the finale, which left me suitably distraught.

TV
6/25

S Club in Miami Season 1 (1999, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club 7 are sent by their agent to a shitty hotel in Miami. The humor, especially in the first few episodes, is remarkably similar to Spice World, which makes sense since it’s the same screenwriter, the brilliant Kim Fuller. And it’s practically as good as Spice World. Most everyone in the band is really great, but I got really upset with Paul in the episode where he was put in charge and instantly started acting like an asshole to everyone, and it took me well into the next season to finally forgive him. Alfie Wise as the hotel manager was great, and everytime he tried to describe the UK, it was amazing.

6/28

S Club 7: Back to the Fifties (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club leaves Miami and heads to L.A., but on the way, they drive through a time-warp and end up in a small town in the 50’s. They meet a diner busboy who is being tormented by the local motorcycle gang, and decide to use their S Club powers to help out. It’s fucking great.

6/29
S Club 7: Boyfriends and Birthdays (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 7.5
The S Club ends up in a trailer park, and hangs out with some family, and Rachel’s boyfriend wants her to quit the band and move back to the UK. Some funny stuff, but story wasn’t great. There was too much shit with kids.

7/6

S Club in L.A. Season 2 (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club 7 give up on Miami and move to L.A. to find fame and fortune. I liked this season even better than the first, and I felt like I was really getting to know every character a lot better. I even forgave Paul because he was pretty funny in the episode Mr. Muscle. Linda Blair is on this season, too, as their landlord, and sometimes she was funny, but honestly, she was kinda bad a lot of the time. The movie they made in Making Movies was a really fucking good movie.

7/11
S Club 7 Go Wild! (2000, Simon Fuller, Youtube) - 6.0
I know the title sounds exciting, but this is not actually about the S Club 7 flashing their tits and dicks for the camera, censored by a just-in-time graphic of the number 7. The only nudity you see here is that of endangered animals, as S Club travels around the world to learn about them. Kinda nice to get to know the members of the band a bit, but not terribly exciting. Tina’s baby panda was really adorable.

7/12
S Club 7: Artistic Differences (2000, Jeff Jones, Youtube) - 9.0
On their big move from L.A. all the way to Hollywood, Bradley and Paul have a falling out and Bradley joins a rival boy band called Guys Incorporated. But everything works out in time for an extremely abrupt ending where the S Club manages to win the Battle of the Bands before anyone else even has a chance to play. Funny and great as always.

7/16

Party Down Season 1 (2009, Rob Thomas/John Enbom/Dan Etheridge/Paul Rudd, Roku) - 9.0
About a group of caterers, who mostly have larger ambitions. The entire cast is made up of some of my favorite comedic actors, with Ken Marino, Adam Scott, Jane Lynch, Ryan Hansen (always a delight on Veronica Mars), Martin Starr, and Lizzy Caplan (whose work I don’t really know that well, but I liked her in Mean Girls and Cloverfield, and loved her in this). And always featuring exciting guest stars (mostly Veronica Mars regulars, as it’s from the same creator). I thought every episode was really great and hilarious, but my favorite was the one with Steven Weber, who had an amazing gag involving his fingers. I’m very glad this got picked up for a second season, although extremely disappointed Jane Lynch can’t come back.

BOOK
7/16

How Not to Make a Short Film: Secrets from a Sundance Programmer by Roberta Marie Munroe - 9.0
A very well-written book by an expert on short films about how to make (and how not to make) festival-ready shorts, and about the process of filmmaking in general. Incredibly useful and inspiring. My movies thus far were obviously not made for the purposes of big festivals. The most I’ve ever hoped for were some bar screenings, an online audience, and possibly an opportunity to sell a few DVDs. And the Popcorn Dangerous movies I’m working on are strictly for fun and experience. But Skimmin’, a script Doug and I have been working on for longer than I care to admit, was always something we regarded more seriously. I don’t actually know what my aspirations are in terms of the movie-making business, but it does sound fun to me to make a “real movie” with an actual experienced crew, who set things up for us and make everything look, sound, and feel legitimate. And there’s also appeal to “getting my name out there.” We always just figured we’d rally up friends for help on Skimmin’, but this book made me feel like it’s possible to arrange something a lot more professional and reliable. The budget has become an even larger issue than it already was, but once we sort that out, I think it will be an amazing time. Thanks, Roberta Munroe!
Unfortunately, though, I had Doug read the book, and rather than find it inspiring, he found it terrifying, so Skimmin’ is being delayed for awhile. I promise that it WILL (probably) still happen, though. Just don’t know when. In the meantime, we’re about ready to start shooting the second episode of Capturin’ the Freedmans.