7/5
Fatal Bond (1992, Vincent Monton, VHS) - 6.0
Linda Blair falls for a sleazy asshole, and decides to give him a bunch of money and go on a road trip with him after knowing him about a day. A girl he cheats on her with turns up dead, and he probably did it, and then LB finds another dead girl, and assumes it was him, but then at the end, it turns out he’s innocent, and I guess it’s a happy ending for them even though he’s still a dick. It was alright. Had it’s moments.
7/8
Double Blast (1994, Tim Spring, VHS) - 8.5
Joe Estevez is trying to find some treasure, so he kidnaps archaelogist Linda Blair to translate some shit for him, but he runs into trouble when a young kickboxing brother-sister duo get involved and repeatedly beat the shit out of his bumbling henchmen. I knew I was in for something special when the opening credits actually explained who one of the stars was, as seen here. It’s kind of a retarded movie, if you can believe it, but also a fucking great one.
7/9
The Heart of the Lie (1992, Jerry London, DVD) - 7.5
True crime drama about a woman who is convicted for killing her husband’s ex-wife, but may not be guilty. Pretty good story, and I thought the lead was really good. They did a kind of ok job of setting up some other possible suspects, and remaining somewhat objective over whether or not she did it. I much prefer the original title, Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? The Bambi Bembenek Story, but the DVD makes up for the change by listing Fullscreen as a Special Feature, which I always find hilarious.
7/10
Moving Target (1988, Marius Mattei, VHS) - 8.5
Someone on a motorcycle is trying to kill everyone to get a key that I guess unlocks riches, but we never actually find out, and so there’s this blond girl on the run who is topless throughout the entire movie for no reason whatsoever, and she hides out with a tennis star who might be her father, and they have a ton of sex, and there’s also a persistent news reporter, whose cameraman is working for the bad guys, and Ernest Borgnine is a detective trying to figure out what’s going on, and Linda Blair occasionally shows up, but doesn’t seem to actually serve any purpose. By the end of the movie, even the characters themselves don’t seem to have any idea whose side they’re on, and everyone just starts randomly shooting each other. And on top of all that, the soundtrack and score are fucking incredible. This was a tough one to track down, but definitely worth it.
Roller Boogie (Rewatch, 1979, Mark L. Lester, 35mm, Bridge) - 9.5
Linda Blair is a rich girl with inattentive parents who, despite being a musical prodigy, is more interested in rollerskating. She meets Jim Bray, a rollerskater with a shot at the Olympics, and hires him to help train her to win the Roller Boogie Contest. It all goes wrong, though, when some businessmen threaten to burn down the roller rink if the owner doesn’t sell them the property, and so the owner is forced to shut down, unless all the rollerskaters can band together and come up with a plan. This movie features an incredible performance from Jim Bray, and one of the best and most adorable from Linda Blair, as well as some funny turns from almost every secondary character. What’s most amazing about this movie, or well, there’s actually a fucking ton of things that make this movie amazing, but one of the most amazing things is how well it segues 70’s movies into 80’s movies. The tone of it, and certainly the fashion and the music, still make it feel like a 70’s movie, but the personalities, the brand of humor, the way in which the fashion and music are utilized, and even the entire plot would later be recycled in many classic and defining 80’s movies.
10/4
Repossessed (Rewatch, 1990, Bob Logan, DVD) - 2.0
Parody sequel to the Exorcist with Linda Blair all grown up with a family, and she gets possessed again, so Leslie Nielsen shows up to give her an exorcism, and Ned Beatty shows up to televise it. It’s not a bad idea, but the jokes are fucking excruciating. Linda Blair isn't especially gifted with comedy, anyway, but it's usually cute when she tries (like in Double Blast or S Club 7). But here she's fucking brutal (through no fault of her own, obviously, she's clearly a victim of terrible writing and direction), and Leslie Nielsen is equally awful. I had seen this before and didn’t like it, but it’s way worse than I remembered. Fucking terrible.
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